Therapy Changed My Dreams
- Simply Jelly Jam
- 11 minutes ago
- 7 min read
Fortunately, my recurring dreams changed for the better.
After eleven months of therapy, my dreams changed. I did not realize this until a recent session when my therapist asked me to describe a few recent nightmares. Years ago, my dreams dealt with family stresses and drama. Now, my dreams are different.
In case it's helpful, below are the main points covered in this post:
"Regular" Dreams
For over a decade, I regularly dreamt of familial stresses while on a trip. Whether I was traveling to deliver a keynote or presentation at a conference, attend a multi-week workshop, participate in an event, or just take the dogs on a relaxing solo vacation, family drama followed me. In fact, family followed me.
For the times I dreamt of going on a trip alone with my dogs, family arrived uninvited. I never learned how they knew about my trip. They would always show up and expect me to accommodate them.
Mom would complain about me traveling alone as a single woman. She sometimes complained about how I needed to travel to spend time with family instead of traveling to be among strangers. Mom and the family would expect to stay with me in my hotel or vacation home.
If I complied, I spent the rest of my dream stressed and unhappy. If I denied, I dealt with constant complaints about how selfish I was and how I was being inconsiderate of the family.
No matter what actions I took, I felt like a horrible human being for how things played out.
For the times I dreamt of joining a family vacation or reunion, family demanded quality time together. This meant doing everything together in the same vacation home or hotel room.
It also meant sharing a room and sometimes a bed with family if space was tight. As a socially anxious introvert, the thought of not having alone time or private space frustrated me.
Mom volunteered me for different tasks like babysitting young cousins I did not know or driving ungrateful relatives whenever and wherever they wanted to go.
If I accepted my unwanted roles, I spent the rest of my dream stressed and unhappy. If I denied, I dealt with different family members calling me selfish and inconsiderate.
No matter what actions I took, I felt like a horrible human being for how things played out.
Since I started therapy in September 2025, my dreams have started to change. If I decided to do things for/with family, I set firm boundaries. This always upset family, but I stopped caving in to their wishes.
Family, mom primarily, never agreed to my boundaries. This resulted in one of two things happening.
If family arrived uninvited on my solo trip, I encouraged them to find their own accommodation and offered to join them for one or two dinners if my schedule permitted. This made them unhappy, and they complained about how I was not putting family first.
If I joined a family vacation or reunion when family attempted to take advantage of my kindness, I left. I collected my dogs and things (my dogs are almost always in my dreams) and either headed off on my own solo vacation or b-lined my way back home.
For a few months, I still felt like a horrible human being when things went wrong in a dream. I hated hurting my family’s feelings and going against my mom's wishes.
Earlier this year, I felt less guilty in these dreams. I realized that I offered compromise that the family, primarily mom, refused to work with. In my solo travel dreams, I eventually stuck with my original plan despite the complaints sent my way.
Fortunately, I have not had any family-focused dreams in months. Of the few dreams I recall, I got to enjoy the solo trips with my dogs peacefully. No drama mamma.
Nightmares
I do not have nightmares often. However, the nightmares I have had the past five or six years scared me awake.
I used to have a recurring nightmare where I moved in with mom to become her full-time caretaker. Every night, I would make sure the many, many doors and windows were locked. While doing so, I would see the silhouette of a man watching me or mom. Sometimes, he tried to push his way through the windows or doors as I attempted to lock them.
The man wanted to hurt and kill mom and everyone she was close to. In other words, he also wanted to hurt and kill me.
In most of these nightmares, he would make his way into the house, and I would either run or fight for my life. I always woke up right before being attacked in dream. I always woke up drenched in sweat and terrified.
I had other recurring nightmares about my large dog, Lucy, dying in horrible ways. If you read my post about learning my mom lied about her dogs, you may recall that mom wished death to Lucy. She continued to wish death on my dog for years and even described ways she hoped Lucy would die. Those ways she described became recurring nightmares.
Fortunately, I have not had a terrifying nightmare since last year. However, I had a "laughable" nightmare last week.
My New Nightmare
In last week's nightmare, Lucy unlocked and opened the back gate. She wandered off without long before my dad or I noticed.
When we did finally notice, we panicked. Dad insisted that I took my small dog, Rascal, to search for her around the neighborhood. He planned to make a bunch of phone calls while we were out.
As dad and I were discussing the plan, several puppies and kittens walked in through the opened back door and hopped onto the couch. Confused, I walked outside to see Lucy herding more puppies and kittens into the backyard.
I called out to her. She looked at me, smiled, wagged her tail, and ran off out of sight. I rushed inside to stop dad from making his first phone call. "Lucy's not lost! She's the one bringing the animals!"
Before long, every inch of the house, garage, backyard, and driveway was filled with puppies and kittens without collars. Kittens found comfort on top of the TV, refrigerator, cabinets, and any elevated surface they could fit on.
I lost Rascal in the chaos of cuteness. I would occasionally see him being groomed by kittens or playfully tackled by puppies. I worried he would be injured accidentally. I worried that the senior part of him felt irritated by the hyper playfulness of the animals. Unfortunately, I could not make my way to him while so many furballs were asking for attention.
Lucy returned and groomed every animal. She seemed satisfied with herself. I was happy she was happy, but I also felt devastated.
I cried as I worried about how to care for all these animals until they could get home. I was not going to let them go thirsty or hungry, but the thought of the cost of food and delivery (I could not leave because they blocked the doors and driveway) made me stressed.
I then worried that Lucy brought home strays. I started having a panic attack wondering how I was going to re-home them. There was no way I would drop them off at a kill shelter, so it only mad sense that I would take on the burden of caring for them.
How would I manage caring for so many puppies and kittens before they went to an existing or new home? What if dad refused to help? How long would I care for them? Could I provide them a happy temporary home until they found their forever homes?
What would it be like to take them to vet appointments? How many appointments would I be responsible for? How much would it cost? What about food, toys, and other essentials? How full and cluttered would my house be?
Could I provide them individual attention without others feeling jealous? Would Rascal and Lucy feel unloved or unwanted? Could I facilitate safe enrichment activities for all? Would I tire myself out? Would I be able to sleep in my own bed? Where will everyone else sleep?
What if Lucy and Rascal refused to let one or two leave once I found forever homes? Could I handle the extra responsibility? Would I want the extra responsibility? Was I a good enough pet parent to give them the love and care they deserved? What if none of the animals wanted to leave?
I woke up feeling devastated but quickly realized how absurd and laughable the "nightmare" was.
Why I Dreamt the Dreams
I am no dream expert, but I believe my "regular" dreams were based on past experiences with mom and family. Traveling with mom was always stressful. She always demanded and expected me to bend over backwards for family.
Mom often volunteered my 'services' without discussing anything with me first. I used to be a "yes" person, but that ended years ago. When I refused to do whatever it was that she volunteered me to do, she complained that I was selfish and inconsiderate of family.
Family once imposed themselves on a solo trip I took. I invited them to join me for lunch, but they all came expecting to stay several nights with me. Mom argued that I should not travel alone. While I love my nieces and nephew, I was not mentally prepared to have them stay with me during a trip I scheduled and planned to enjoy alone with my dogs.
Decades ago, several of mom's friends were abused and murdered. The murderer(s) was never caught or identified. As a child, I worried that it was certain someone mom had a bad history with. I wondered if mom was on his "hit list." Apparently, my subconscious continued to worry about it.
I assume attending therapy and discussing troubled memories helped me navigate my fears and worries. It felt great to realize that I have not had the regular recurring dreams and nightmares in months.
I do not know why I recently dreamt of Lucy herding puppies and kittens into my home. My first dog, Shadow, and Rascal tried to kidnap a Yorkie once, but I cannot imagine Lucy doing the same.
I may be wrong about her. Maybe one day she will walk into the house with a friend. If so, then I at least know, thanks to last week's "nightmare," that I will have a panic attack.
What's Next?
I am grateful to reflect on how my dreams changed over the months. It felt great to realize that I have slept better this year compared to years past. I hope this positive change continues for years to come.
Comment below to share how your dreams changed over time!
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Thanks, and have a great day!
~Simply Jelly Jam
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