Feeling Emotionally Drained

Simply Jelly Jam
Sep 9
7 min read

Thanks to another phone conversation with Mom.

Mom lied to me during a phone conversation. I was upset when I realized it, but my action after learning the truth was unexpected. (This is a lengthy vent post.)

In case it's helpful, below are the main points covered in this post:

First Call
Second Call
Chat with Family
Last Calls
My Unexpected Action
What's Next?

First Call

Last Tuesday morning, I received a notification that Mom's home insurance was overdue. I have approved access to all her accounts because I set up her automated payments. After years without issues, I was unsure why this month's auto payment did not go through.

Before I reached out to the insurance company's support, I called Mom to make sure she did not cancel the home insurance plan. She has wanted to, but I repeatedly convinced her to keep it going.

I started the conversation with generic pleasantries. "Hi, Mom. How are you doing? Are you feeling well?" I eventually said, "I'm just double-checking and making sure your auto payments are still good. Just to make sure I don't miss anything, have you made changes to any of your accounts?"

Once Mom confirmed that she made no changes to anything, I told her that I loved and missed her, but that I was busy and sorry to end the call short. Although I was going to be busy with the insurance's support line and other tasks, I just did not wish to speak with her.

I am still bitter about Mom's hurtful rant and follow-up conversations about that rant. She denied saying any of it even though she has repeated herself multiple times since then.

Before I hung up, I fell for Mom's, "Wait! I have something important to tell you!"

Mom explained that her legs and feet have been sore and weak, something that came up many times in the past during talks about her diabetes. Except now she claimed to have sores on her legs.

I asked if she checked her blood glucose regularly. Mom said yes and claimed that it is typically in the nineties before she goes to bed nightly. I reminded her that she should be checking before every meal. If it is high before eating, she should avoid foods high in sugar (her doctor gave her a list) since she refused to use insulin.

Mom said she did not want to check more than once a day. She then proceeded to tell me that if her legs cause her more pain, she will gain the courage to ask my Sister-in-law (SIL) for a ride to the ER.

Mom sobbed about how she had not seen or heard from family in over a month, so she was scared to ask family for help. I was the last loved one she saw when I bought her a new cell phone in early August.

Before ending the call, she asked me not to let anyone know about her condition or how sad she felt being neglected by everyone else. This seemed strange since my Brother (BRO) usually called family and relatives at least once a week. He called me twice a week and used to call Mom daily.

I left the call wondering if I should contact BRO and SIL. But first, I had to contact Mom's insurance company about the missed auto payment.

Second Call

Like perfect timing, Mom called me after the insurance company's support resolved her payment failure (tech issue on their end). Mom started the second call by stating that her glucose level was 248.

I panicked until, after several questions, she admitted to checking immediately after eating lunch. She usually eats something with rice and drinks coffee or a soda, all of which impacts blood glucose levels.

I reminded her that she should check before eating, not immediately after. Mom said she forgot, then proceeded to ask me to explain the difference between blood glucose and blood pressure. The question stunned me. She knew the difference between the two, so why did she claim not know now?

Mom then asked what each of her three monitoring devices did. She has a blood glucose monitor, blood pressure monitor, and a fingertip oximeter. A part of me wondered if she was exhibiting signs of memory loss.

Confused and dumbfounded, I spent time answering her many questions, questions I and others have answered before. After fifteen minutes of answering the same questions, I remembered how she weaponized incompetence in the past for my attention. I then remembered that she complained about me not paying her enough attention since her rant last April.

I finally suggested that Mom called her case manager to re-request in-home nurse visits to explain and help with her monitoring devices. They would be able to explain slowly and demonstrate how to use them, something I could not do from a distance. I offered to make the call if she was uncomfortable or embarrassed to do so after quitting the in-home nurse visits last January.

I also suggested that if her legs were in as much pain as she claimed, call SIL immediately or emergency services. Emergency services would respond faster than SIL who was working during that time. I assured her that if she were hospitalized again, I would be by her side.

Mom said everything was alright. Her leg pain was minimal, and she suddenly remembered what the monitors were for. Mom said checking her blood glucose before every meal was too much effort, so she would continue to check occasionally before bed. She admitted not checking nightly like she told me earlier that day.

I told her that I would call in two hours to remind her to check her blood glucose again just to be on the safe side. Levels in the two hundreds were high, and we wanted to make sure she did not pass out abruptly. She agreed, thanked me for worrying, and said she would talk to me then.

Chat with Family

Still worried about Mom's glucose levels and leg issues, I called BRO to let him know about the phone call. I also messaged my SIL in case she did not know about Mom's health concerns. In short, I said that Mom felt pain in her legs, and I wanted to keep them up to date with what she described to me. I did not mention the high blood glucose level.

SIL responded by letting me know that Mom seemed well when she, BRO, and my nephew visited her the day before to deliver an old table and hang out for a bit.

SIL said Mom was OK. There were no health concerns at the time of their visit. They had seen and spoken to Mom over the summer. I thanked SIL for letting me know.

Last Calls

Two hours later, I pulled up one of Mom's security cameras to see if she was still awake. My niece bought them last year after Mom's first ICU stay. The family, along with Mom, agreed to have the cameras set up to monitor Mom when we could not be there with her.

I sometimes viewed the cameras to make sure she did not collapse or have an accident, something that several health care professionals warned could happen following her two hospitalizations last year.

Mom was awake. I called her. She looked at her phone and put it down without answering. The call went to voicemail on my end. After a while, Mom went to sleep.

Several hours later, Mom called me back. I was busy and did not answer. She left a voicemail asking if I called her. She said she did not hear it as she was taking a nap during that time. She did not expect my call that afternoon.

There was no urgency in her voice. Just a calm question about why I called her back the same day after she already told me that she was OK.

I called her back after I heard her voicemail message. Once again, I watched the camera to see her notice and ignore my call.

I left a voicemail reminding her that we agreed I would call her to check on her blood glucose level to make sure it was still not dangerously high. Since it did not concern her, I would not let it concern me. I said that I was glad she felt better and that I would talk to her another day.

My Unexpected Action

I felt angry because it was not the first time Mom lied to me to get me to do what she wanted. In this case, she wanted me to give her attention. She has complained for months that I do not give her enough attention. I am supposed to put her wants and needs before myself, always.

After years of internal debate, I finally did it.

I made an appointment with a local therapist. I felt emotionally drained. I was tired of Mom's constant lies for attention. My weariness stemmed from years of verbal abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation.

I attended my first session last Wednesday. The therapist asked questions that I had been thinking about things I have not put any thought into. A lot was unpacked in a short amount of time. I said words that I have never said aloud or within the privacy of my own head. I said a lot, but it was only a sliver of everything in my mind.

My therapist was kind, but I left the session feeling miserable.

I jokingly told my friends that death would have been easier than that first session. I do not know if I should feel grateful or upset that Mom finally pushed me into seeking professional help.

What's Next?

For now, I am signed up for weekly sessions. I am not looking forward to revisiting my past, but I am grateful to have a therapist willing to listen to my detailed stories for as long as this lasts.

If you are emotionally drained, I highly encourage you to seek therapy or attempt your own self-therapy through relaxing hobbies like writing. Check out one of my past blog posts for ideas on how you could express your emotions creatively: